not original

turned the corner

past a window of one of the run down garden apartments

into breeze

sharp tinged like cooked carrots and mildew

this idea is not original

that the surface can remain still

and the view, beautiful

no indication of the inverse mountain

of grief quietly drifting below

last night's dream of S.

dislodged some piece worn thin

fracturing off even after years

gone since our varying goodbyes

the splash of its surfacing

welling up as i drove us to work

but not spilling over

© e e stanley 2010(?)

dream. lover

(i will fall for the enemy)

you and i set out in an elaborate game of intrigue

trailing this gangster... a young mafioso

sending him

a message

i cut pieces of his car away with delicate scissors

in broad daylight

in front of his strong men

then i missed the getaway car and was left to confront him

his languid form, olive skinned and eyes deep

we were at a series of pools

shaded by great concrete archways

like highway overpasses

spring fed, shallow tiled lagoons

i was wearing a long shift

a party dress

my underwear already halfway down my thighs

i was trying to get them back up as he approached

i wasn't sure whether this water was for washing or drinking

and then i stepped in

just lay back in the water

he laughed

i floated... quiet

amazed because it was so shallow in the first lagoon

barely the depth of my shins

the waters all connected and soon i was caught in a current

unexpectedly strong

whirling me, eyes closed, in a great circle

i reached out my hand

uncertain if he would take it and pull me in

he did and then we were in a recess together

like a wide bath for two

you appeared, looking in over the edge

i was taken by his skin, by my want

i looked into your eyes

"i want the enemy as a lover.

is this something you can allow me?"

you nodded solemnly

i looked into his eyes

"i want you but i will never leave her

is this ok with you?"

a grin spread slow and crooked on his lips

but our intimacy evaporated

we saw a rival thug settling into a nearby pool

now i needed to defend his escape

to keep violent reprisals at bay

my lovers fled

i crawled up over this looming man's body

peered through dark sunglasses

and whispered

"stand down"

he was amused

we danced a game of aggression

colored to appear as diplomacy

he was physicality & force & schadenfreude

i taunted him while staying this side of the lines drawn between us

there was no peace, only waiting

until one of my gestures went too far

he rumbled upward into displeasure

heavy fingers drumming on a table in a darkened kitchen

i woke without satisfaction

8/16/11 e.e. stanley