disappear

and there
i caught the glint of our unraveling
antagonistic phantom
of threadbare love
overwhelming the space
between our words
as we explore our lexicon of
subtle eye movements
breathing
searching

elephant in the room
inserts herself into our present
making it difficult
to navigate
my chafing anger & your tears
your strength & my surrender

you recount the exchange
i hold you. i listen.
and we soften together
choose a new response
for this exasperating invitation
to react
to make scenes
to play movies of who we are
instead of just
being
together

i feel impotent in my desire to protect you
from this absence of tenderness
assaults on your boundaries
an utter failure of compassion

i hold you closer
breathe you in
savor the sweetness of your presence
listen to your quiet voice
as i grow sleepy

and let
her


disappear

last walk

and then one day
all the locust trees on the next block
had turned yellow
my last walk with Henry
along these familiar streets
punctuated by the shush brush
of the first fallen leaves

it was the day you moved most of your things
from the apartment we shared

that day

warm and bright
three weeks after I’d left
to live with others

i got sweaty loading the truck with you
after our shirts were already
wet with our tears
time alone will show the difference
between the shame of giving up
and the greatest gift
we can give one another


letting go

like all the golden leaves now
fallen to the walks